Problem is, I am WAY out of my depth here!
Update: using a specific connect command rather than "search and connect" and the --nodetach option on the Nokia gave me a bit more feedback:
pand -r PANU --service NAP --connect xx:xx:xx:xx:xx:xx --nodetach
I got BT daemon v 3.7.... blah blah\ connecting to.... xx:xx:xx:xx:xx\ connect to xx:xx:xx failed. Connection refused.
So I used the --nodetach on the NAP side as well and it said that Bind failed, address already in use. I search the ps list for another instance of pand and killed it with kill -9, then tried again. This time it started with the BT logo, only 3.9 on the LMCE machine, and is sitting there waiting for a connection (apparently!)
Now when I try from the Nokia it reports that the host is down. When I go back to the onscreen orbiter, it is in the process of detecting the device as one of the 3 devices you mentioned. I just called it a Windows Smartphone 2005 to get past that point, and then the Nokia prompts if you want to download the .cab file the LMCE is trying to send. This times out, as we obviously don't want to receive it. But at that point the Nokia pand command fails again....